i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
