Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.