I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
