I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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