I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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