i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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