Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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