Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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