Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
