I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
