your room smells of hookers.
And success
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
