Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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