I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
