she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
