i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize