i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize