im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
