Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
