i can't believe i had my finger in that
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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