He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
