I could make wine with my vomit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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