I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
