I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
