Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
