Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
