I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
