We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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