Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
