He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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