We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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