I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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