i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
