It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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