We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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