its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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