SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The power of my boobs compel you
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
