so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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