I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
