that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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