I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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