btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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