Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
