who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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