I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
