The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
