guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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