dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
