I am full of burrito and curiosity
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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