Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
