i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
