remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
