i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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