One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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