Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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