btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
