I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
