We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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