I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
