we have officially lost it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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