is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
