A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
